Wierd...

I was up all night last night untill 4 in the morning. Tried to to take my mind off of her so I played mahjong online for the whole time. It kept my mind occupied. But right now it's now 3:15 in the afternoon and yet no call from her. Its wierd because on weekends her brother and her sister usually goes to store and leaves her home alone to babysit. That's when she finds time to call me. And that happens every weekend. Yesterday they did her niece's birthday so it was alright and ok. But today? Odd. I'm not going to lie. I thought about it...and...yeah...made me go have a smoke. I dont know what's up or what the deal is. I dont know if I can fully believe her. I dont know if I can fully trust her. I dont even know if we're gonna work out no more. I used to be so positive and sure that we would work out. Because I love her. And when you love someone...You make it work out. Through thick and thin, good times and bad. But the thing is...over it all, things should be looking up in a way. Even when you fight you make up and things should be a little better then it was before. For example we on good terms and it's at 50% but then we argue and it goes to 40% but then we find a solution and what not to do and it should be up to 60%. Get what I mean? The arguments and fights are supposed to make you stronger. Make us stronger. But it's not. We go the opposite or just hit that "50%" again. Not that 60%. Love her...But I just cant take it anymore. I keep on sayingg last lines and straws for her but I never keep my word. Its cuz I love her and I want us to work out. But the more she pushes the further I go. One day.....I might just be gone...It's funny how things change....it's wierd how we fight for nothing in return.....