I Need Her...

It's now almost 5am and Im still up waiting on her. I find it hard to sleep without her voice. We usually fall asleep on the phone together, but tonight she is no where to be found. Again...Im just listening to an instrumental and thinking about her. Now Im here writing this blog, listening to my instrumental, and still...thinking about her. *sighs* There are many things wrong about me and her and our relationship. There are also many things right about me and her and our relationship. The other night I found out she planned to go to prom with a guy from her school. They "used" to flirt and one day he came to her house and asked her to prom. She said yes. I found out and we argued for hours last night. Is it alright for her to go to prom with someone else? To have them hold one another and dance? To have her in his arms? In my place? Is it ok for her to flirt with another guy to start off with? Or am I just being too much off an asshole and over reacting? She told me she wouldnt do anything wrong ever again and nothing I wouldnt like, but then... she does it anyways. I dont know why. I asked her if I came into her mind when the question was asked and she yes. I asked her if she knew I would be upset about it and she said yes. I asked her if she was wrong and she said yes. I asked her if she knew it was wrong then why'd she do it and if she knew I wouldnt like it then why would she say yes....and she didnt answer. She had no answer. Now, I dont get it. I told her if she wanted to break up and go be with someone else then she could. But she said no. She cries everytime we break up and begs of me to stay but her actions dont say the same. I dont get it. Not to point fingers, but most of the time when we break up is because of some stupid thing that she decides to do. And most or all of her reasons for her actions are plain stupid. "I dont know why, I felt like it , it was a humanly instinct." Come on now...really? It dont answer and explain anything in my point of view. I love her and her personality. I wouldnt trade it for anything or anyone else in this whole wide world. I would die with her in this life and the next holding her in my arms and not having it any other way. Her eyes are the eyes for me to gaze into and lose all sense of feeling and emotion and reality. She is my hope, my pride, my joy, my faith, my girl, my love, my everything, my world, and my wife. I treat her like she is all those to me and more. Sometimes I may yell or get mad and be an ass but its only at times. It still doesnt affect her meaning to me. She's my everything. And no one is put above her. Tonight... I dont know where she is at and I havent talked to her all day. Honestly...I miss her alot. I miss her voice. And I miss her laughter. That's just the beggining. The touch of her soft lips brushing against mine and her tiny little hands fitting perfectly in mine. Let's not leave out the warmth of her in my arms as she holds on to me so tight. Im sleepless and my mind is restless tonight. Last night I told her that I would never need anyone in my whole entire life. Not even my parents or family or friends. I will never need anyone, including her. Because when you need someone or something, you will go out of your way to have it. When you need someone, you will allow them to step over you, treat you wrong, and do you wrong. In the end you always forgive them and still love them and take them back in your life. Why? Because you need that someone. Im a very difficult person and I dont. It's a pleasure for you to have me be apart of your life not for you to be in mine. But tonight as I sat outside and had a smoke, I realized something. I need her. I've come to realize I have forgiven her for all her wrong doings. I have taken her back into my life. And I cant sleep without her. I need her. I need my baby. *sighs*...I just miss her so much...it's starting to get to me. Im not even going to go to sleep tonight. Not untill I hear her voice. Not untill I know she's there....Because....I NEED HER.