Just Me

My name is Kevin and this is my first blog. Why did i decide to start dong this? Well...Because i like writing and talking to people. And maybe some of the things i write here can help and apply to some people. Well...it's now almost 1 in the morning and I'm sitting here writing this blog. If you're woundering why, I'll tell you later, but right now I'm going to just simply talk about myself for a bit. Well...at first impression I may just seem like an asshole or just another thug out there in the world, but I'm not. I mean, I get it all the time from people i meet whether at school, on the street, a partY or whatever. I may look like one but I'm not. Looks can be decieving and what I learn is that you should never judge a book from its cover because the story inside may just be one of the best stories you'll come accross. Fact is, I'm just chill and laid back. Yes, I do smoke and I do drink. I'm just me. But one thing about me that people hardly know is that i love to write. Whether if it's just writing about random stuff, stories, life, lyrics, or poems. I love to just play an instrumental, usually slow piano and a good r&b type of beat and just write away. It's a good stress reliever. I'm very understanding and very calm but when I have to I can get loud and you know...flip everything inside out. People always say I can either be your best frind or your worst and I agree. Hey, I get along with everyone well so if there is a problem then it's you and not me. Now, that's just one side of me and how I am. Now let's talk about relationhip.



Ok.....Ok....I'm a sucker for love. I'll admit it. I can be an asshole at times or...just about half or more of it, but most of it is just because I like to mess around and joke that's all. I like to play fight, nudge and make jokes, but right after...I'm kissing ass haha. They always tell me that I'm a good listener, always there, got a good sense of humor, caring, and what not. I'm not saying much more, but it's for you to find out what kind of person I am. Am I in a reationship? Yes, I am. Have been for about 10 months now. And that is the reason why I'm still up at 1 in the morning. Not because I'm talking to her, but becaue I'm thinking about her and I just can't sleep. Because you see... It's just complicated between me and her.



We're like the modern day romeo and juliet. No joke. Everyhing is just against us and don't get me wrong; I love the fuck out of this girl. Unconditionally. To start off, I'm going to start with her side and story. Her family is Vietnamese and I'm Hmong. Now, they dont get along "supposedly" and her parents "forbid"" her to be with me. Not just that, she got set to kentucky to go stay with her brother. Now she's no longer here in san diego, but we're still working things through. They took her phone away, no chats to talk to me through and so she has to work her ass off to find ways to communicate with me. Her brothers hate me, all 3 of them and they want to beat my ass, but they never come around to doing that because of whom I am. But anyways, to the point to make it short. Her family basically crossed her out of the family picture and said she betrayed her family and so on. She was sent to sleep in the basement and everything. This started because of a $400 phone bill a week ago or somthing. I guss you can say it was caused by me? I offered to pay, but she said no. Now...When I look at things, I love her too much to see her suffer and go through shitt like that. Because of me they treat her that way. Because of me her life is left alone in the dark. I don't want that life and that struggle for her because I went through it and I know how it is. Never depending on noone and never taking a helping hand even if it was offered and just being INDEPENENT. It was hard for me and I don't want to see her go through the same situation. So I told her I was going to do what's right and let her go. It was for the better. For her happiness. Yes I know she wouldn't be happy losing me, but overall...family do come first and I respect that. I would never come in between. So, I've been sitting here thinking, not being able to sleep, and just having a smoke once in awhile, just to get things to a solution and draw everything up to one final conclusion. But it's like...one giant puzzle in my head that I can't put together because I dont really know what to do, how to act, and how to feel. I love the girl and I want to do what's right. But is it right for me to just up and leave? Is it right for me to make our relationship work "no matter what"? So, what is RIGHT?